Saturday, January 31, 2009

More Beach, part 2

More Beach, part 2
I was lucky enough today to get back to the beach...the sun was shinning, the temperature was warm, and the overall feeling wonderful.
This is a picture of shells that had been carefully placed on a rock by someone who came before me. I am in to the whole "sands of time" thought, and I have a collection of white (and several black) shells that are housed on my dresser and represent beaches I have enjoyed.
The beach continues to be a very healthy place for me, and I am enjoying feeling physically and emotionally healthier than I can ever remember...and though this is the "place" I have sought, it is a amazing gift and surprise to be here...


Friday, January 30, 2009

Yes! I Can Finally Tell!

Yes! I Can Finally Tell!
I have been hoping to shift focus at work since Work took my to NYC last September. The rumor mill has been active, and last night I was confirmed! I will be joining the Legal Team, and now working with the Risk Management...a fantastic challenge and position at this point in my career.
This is a picture of a refrigerator/freezer, that appeared thrown down a gully.. I saw it today on a bike ride. My life is taking some tangible turns...and for that I am excited and grateful...I feel like I am finally defrosting...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Finger Prints

Finger Prints...
Today is another in an interesting line of days...The Registered Nursing Board informed me late last week that in order to renew my License to practice, I must be fingerprinted. It is not that I am against this "safeguard" for our Patients...though do find it amazing that I have been practicing for 32 years...and they are just now getting around to requiring this of me. I must also say that I find the fingerprinting fee, the license renewal fee, and the cost of maintaining CEU's required for renewal a bit burdensome.
Of course, you cannot just get "printed" anywhere...you must make an appointment with a System that interfaces with DOJ, and the Board. So today, as I smugly thought I had a creative morning, I double checked my un-synced calendar...and dashed out to the Police Station. Now it is not that I have no familiarity with the Police...it is just so far, I have managed to personally avoid this particular spotlight...other Family members...not so fortunate...though they provided some fascinating learning experiences!
This is a picture of my hand...after printing. My baby finger is a little crooked from a tendon slip that happened as they were pulling my first child from me...and I was gripping steel handles...a long story in itself. My ring finger looks naked, and though I have come to be comfortable with that over the past 6 months, it still feels a bit weird when I am laid over in an airport and tired...and I must say...I love red nail polish!
So today's lesson is...now I am on file...I must wear gloves if participating in any activities the DOJ would be interested in...good thing my yellow, and my hot pink leather gloves are readily available and eager to serve...


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mid Week

Mid Week

Today was beautiful, and had a wonderful chemical feel to it. I feel more certain today, and though I am not sure that I should be...I will take it because it feels very marvelous! Chemistry is a funny thing...when it is in alignment it is amazing...and when it is does not exist, it is easy to change course.
I took this picture of the fountain across from the San Francisco Ferry Building, early last Fall. 2 Friends and I have a ritual of Ferry Ride, lunch, Jewelry Mart, drinks, and Ferry Ride. On our last trip I discovered this fountain as I ran down the middle of the traffic street "chasing" our ride...well okay...I thought it was our ride, and in my defense she did have a Great Dane in the back seat! This fountain evoked a feeling of peace and happiness...two feelings that I have enjoyed today....


Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tuesday

Tuesday
What more can I say...another day, I continue to be ready for my next phase of life...something solid that I can depend on for more that a minute, or two. Calls today were deferred to tomorrow, so answers are close...just no cigar (cherry) yet.
I had an interesting conversation with my perfect Son today...his life is changing too...when he did not expect it. We reviewed certain relationship principles together, which is a really remarkable conversation to have with someone you have "homegrown" and raised. It was good to laugh at our perspectives, and hear his thoughtfulness when I told him I was over "halfway" to dead, and needed order and decisions in my life...I loved hearing him laugh, and say he had not considered that point of view.
Tonight I had dinner with my best Pug friend...she is having a serious surgery in two weeks, and she has offered to assist ME with a revised living will...which I declined initially (why do I need THAT?)...and then decided that I probably should face that music...as my current one needs certain updates. We had a detailed discussion...from what to wear as an expired person...to having pugs view us, so they know they have not been abandoned. Through the discussion, I came to see that I need to have a check in with Matt and Laura...I have a very clear picture of my wishes...but after all...I will be dead so what will my comfort matter? Another conversation that needs to be had...this truly was an interesting evening...
This is a picture of the bathroom at the Hyatt Hotel, by the Ferry Building in San Francisco...I thought it was beautiful at the time...and tonight I feel like it clearly represents my day...I will leave the final line to the readers...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Personality of Days

Personality...of Days
I ran two miles today...I mean I ran! Half way around mile one...I realized several things...it was almost odd how easy my breathing was...and clear my mind seemed, not something I experience everyday in this menopause environment.
Have you noticed how days have "personalities"...Friday is "date night", Saturday and Sunday are for fun and relaxation, and Monday is the "oh my gosh" day of the week...Tuesday, Wednesday are what you make them, and Thursday is the day before Friday. My transition continued this afternoon, and a call to clarify is scheduled for tomorrow...I was told I was not replaceable...which was nice to hear...though not necessarily true...most days kindness falls by the wayside...
This is a picture I took last summer in San Francisco. It was a one in a million weekend...as perfectly defined by Saturday and Sunday...an Ad on the side of a building, and the beautiful San Francisco sky...spontaneous Cable Car ride....etc...
I continue to look forward to the next several months, and were this adventure will take me...and when, if ever, I will finally settling in...and know which building I belong on...



Sunday, January 25, 2009

It is Official!

It is Official! Mac and Dell WIN!
So the score for the week is Dell and Mac many points, Susie none. I usually am pretty clear about what I know, and what I do not know...in some ways it is a small source of pride for me...this week really hit me with the computer glitches...and today was no exception. My iPhoto has changed the way in which it has worked in the past...and now double clicking the icon does not reveal any of the nearly 800 photos that were there last night. Thankfully Dell taught me earlier this week that data is there...somewhere, and I am able to see them under my downloads icon...so at the moment, I am frustrated, but not in a full blown panic. Tomorrow, I will try again, and then call my Mac friends for assistance...
This is a picture I took last fall at Marvel Stables...I was not really a fan of the Paint Horse, until I met this one...his personality is as beautiful as his markings. This has been a quiet weekend, filled with time for introspection, memories, thoughts, hopes and desires for my future. I can feel my tide changing...and beginning a new direction...though this direction is still blurry...a sort of hazy feeling...I am excited...and happy...and looking forward to tomorrows' 9 am...


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Matthew Thomas

Matthew Thomas
I was lucky enough today to receive a call from my lovely Son. He is in Philly, making strides to come home to California. This is a watercolor that I painted just over 3 years ago, it represents his orange hair, love of soccer, and shoulder injury he incurred in a car accident. He is my first child, and a gift that I explained to him today was one of my life's best moments...he thanked me...which meant to me that he was listening.
It is hard to have him so far away, though that is balanced by the pride I have that he has grown into his own, and is successfully making his way in the World...all in all, a Mother's dream fulfilled...I love you Mogy...

Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday, at Last...

Friday, at Last
Today started early and ended late...and in between was filled with events I am not thinking about until Monday with the exception of a call from a best friend who I have not seen in way too long. She and I once covered the Bay North together (normally a 5 person job), and though we had not met before this event, found our way quickly. We have weathered personal, family and work related storms, and I am lucky to know her...above is a picture of our "storm" today in Sacramento...I love the lights, and the shadow of raindrops on the windshield...this was taken at the stop light tonight on my way to dinner...another opportunity to share time with a friend...catch up...and solve a few of the World's problems...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thanks to All

Thanks to ALL
Today was a day in which every cell in my body was micro-managed...which is not a good thing for me...there are reasons people that I work with are in panic mode, and though I understand them, they cannot be shared. In trying to think about a picture for today, this one pretty much sums it up, though one of the words is a bit off...you do the guess work!
This picture was taken last summer during the aftermath of the Paradise Fire. A friend of mine almost lost his home, and in the days after the fire was out...it was still off and on...very scary stuff. There were many Fire and Police Men who really did lay their lives on the line for others homes, and animals. This sign is a token of gratitude from the Community, and there were many others like it, all fabricated from butcher paper, or card board. All in all, it was an incredible testament to the Human Spirit...and how people do come together when the chips are in crisis...life is all about perspective, and this trip down memory lane has made the pain of my day fade...as a scape of paper on my desk says...pain is part of learning who you are...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mailbox

Today was another 2.5 hours spent with technical support for Dell. I made two new friends and was elevated a "level", which actually felt kind of nice...with the exception of re-explaining the situation for the 4th time...and all listener's in agreement that it was hard to believe that Dell was behaving in the manner described...go figure...he is 2!
Tonight Dell is sleeping peacefully...and will hopefully wake up in a great (I will settle for usual) mood tomorrow.
This is a picture I took last summer. I really love the way these boxes are positioned. Today as I was discussing my Outlook situation, and Dell's current unwillingness to share my mail with me, my mind remembered this picture, and the simplicity of our snail mail system.
So wish me luck...that after a re-alignment, and great nights sleep, Dell will be ready to get back to work...because honestly...someone has too!


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dell

Dell
Today Dell, and technology had a laugh on me. When I think about it, my dependence on electronic gadgets is over the line ridiculous...iPhone, Blackberry, Dell, Mac, and my new mini Dell...not to mention iPhone Clock, iPod Bose, hair dryer, hair straightener and electric toothbrush (which completely rocks) to name a few. God forbid the microwave is unable to deliver hot water for my morning orange cappacino...and again I digress...
Up this morning in time to potty, feed, potty the pugs, make coffee, and be in my upstairs office in plenty of time for my first conference call of the day...in firing up Dell...needing to review the call agenda...and yes the clock is ticking...he decides to be "blue" today, and selfish with my "documents"...
3 Calls to IT later...my documents are found to be super hidden, but thank goodness intact...and in 6 easy steps are accessable, and ready for back up. My last back up was the end of September prior to my New York extravaganza. Not too bad considering it was my first "real" back up in years. Tomorrow, I will go back to the Clinic, call IT, and they will then strip and repair Dell. I am looking forward to seeing how that will work for me...and am thinking...not so much...

Monday, January 19, 2009

More Beach

More Beach
Saturday held a trip to the beach, and I am sitting here typing this remembering the sound, smell and feel of walking along the sand...that and more...
I could sit on the beach for hours, and did just that for years...living inland now, I miss the pounding sound of the waves, and, that breathing sea air can cure almost all that could ail your heart and soul.
It has been an amazing few days...proof that if you ask for what you wish for...dreams do come true....

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Prints in the Sand

Prints in the Sand

Yesterday when walking on the beach, I was reminded of one of my favorite postings on my Life Board that says something to the effect of 'when this life is over, what prints will you have left behind as evidence of your time spent in the pool of life'. There are several things that I think will be my "prints"...my children, part of my work life, someone that I believed in and fought for who has continued to exceed even my expectations, various other pieces of time when taking that extra minute made a difference in the life of someone who needed that minute more than I did and hopefully my art and photo's.
Next to consider is with Friday's news, how does that effect my prints and ripples, and what view will result from it...and where does this throw my emotional and physical geography. Weekends have become a bit surreal, and the balance of the work week, and the other are far apart...it feels a bit bouncy.
So, and I know this continues to be a shock to me, though any moment I am acceptance to set in... the beat will go on, until a melody is found that encompasses most of my favorite dances...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Saturday

Vegetables, Windshield, Bugs

As a famous person once said, sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the bug...up until 3 pm yesterday I was feeling like the bug...and 2 calls, one after the other, changed that. I received a call from my Boss, after an email request, never a good thing on a Friday afternoon after a stressful (real or imagined) week...but the news was what I have been waiting to hear since it was first hinted at in September...the second call was more special than the first...and again, something I had hoped to hear.

This is a picture of the produce section at Whole Foods...I liked the vegetables....

Friday, January 16, 2009

Friday

Friday

Truer words were never spoken, thank goodness it is Friday. This picture is in honor of how I am feeling at the moment...though I am not sure if the tractor represents what I am wishing I had, where I have been spending my week, or what I have spent the week dodging...I think a bit of all three.
This picture was taken at Goldhill's Welsh...a place that always speaks to my soul, and heals most hard days...

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dessert

Dessert
Without a doubt, dessert is the best part of my meal. Tonight was Karen's and my time. She is my lifetime best friend, March will mark the 53rd year of our friendship. Though we have never lived in the same town, it is a bit odd how parallel our lives are, especially the last 5 years. It is such a gift to have someone who really knows me, my history, my family, how my closet is never organized, when all of her clothes are hung in the same manner on matching hangers at the exact same interval...and yet she still loves me. She also understands...we have been thru similar twists and turns, though she has chosen a different path than I think I am walking down...it is great to have all angles explored.
Tonight we discussed the intimate details of menopause...not a topic too many wish to share. It is always good to know one is not crazy...that others do not have all of the answers either...wow, I am really off the tract!
Back to the topic...usually we share the banana creme pie...which is good...tonight "menopause" made us choose chocolate!...and what a wonderful choice it was...we inhaled the cake, frosting, vanilla bean ice cream, caramel, and strawberries...we would have tried to lick the plate...luckily, our waiter saved us that embarrassment...by clearing our table when we were laughing...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Felt

Felt
6 months ago I purchased a bike. I love it because it is orange, and light weight enough that I can transport it MYSELF! I have ridden 3 times in my neighborhood, my shoes did not fit the pedals, and I was really struggling with the whole "helmet hair" challenge.
I continue to grow up...today I am the proud owner of bike capri's, okay...not the shorts, but pants that have padding, and add bulk to my ...well you decide...shoes with clip in bolts, and an orange jersey...
I am not sure what to do with all of this...but am looking forward to where the journey will take me...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Baseball Diamond

Baseball Diamond
Today brought another fabulous weather day...and another run around the park. Tonight my legs are sore, and I am wondering if I am too old for this...
As I have said before, I have lived in Curtis Park for newly 15 years. Today as I ran around the park, as I have been doing semi-regularly for nearly a year, I really "saw" the baseball diamond that sits in the middle. Actually, what I saw was the vision of the baseball years of the "Peterson Poopers".
Every summer from the time I was 6 to 18, I spent the summer with my Dad, his current wife, and my new siblings...one night each week, my Dad would collect the neighborhoods kids, and pile us in the Grand Safari Station Wagon...with emphasis on "pile"...and we would drive the 6 miles to the Elementary School that was at the end of my Grandparents' Street. My Grandfather, one of the best men the World has ever seen, would meet us there...sides were chosen...my Dad was the permanant pitcher, my Grandfather was the permanant catcher. We took our turn at bat, cheered each other on, ran the bases, took the field, caught an occasional flyball, missed an occasional "sure catch", taunted my Dad about his pitch, and questioned my Grandfather's "calls". All in all a fabulous 2 hours.
The most important thing to know is that even though my Dad enjoyed the pitching...the main purpose of these outtings was to involve my brother and I with a group of kids that we saw only on major Holidays, and during the summer. It was difficult to morph between 2 sets of friends, when our time was divided, and young memories are short...another example as to why my Father is my hero...
After each game, it was the walk down the street to my Grandparent's House...I can vividly see the salmon (canned) colored stucco. Soda and endless supply of homemade cookies awaited...a treat not to be missed. Funny how a run around the park evoked all of these memories...and how nice that it did...


Monday, January 12, 2009

The Ultimate Camera

The Ultimate Camera
Today brought lunch with Dad. I was lucky enough to see this sculpture, which was done by Chad Glashoff, Phillip's son. On my list "learning welding" is about number 6. Chad, you beat me to it! ... the "camera" is a wonderful idea!
Dad and I have our routine, I drive down to his home, he drives out to Mankas Corners, we eat, we split dessert, we talk, he drives back, I drive home. Sometimes the conversations are difficult as we have been through a difficult period in my life, and he has always been the "one" person who loved me...everyday...for as long as he has been my Father. He and my Mother divorced when I was 6, not his idea. In an era that was not supportive of the "Father", he fought tooth and nail for his rights, weekly phone calls, and monthly visitation...he endured unkind comments and verbal abuse...when a normal man would have said "enough", and gone home. Over the years, when I have not been "perfect", he has listened and supported me...and provided me with 2 step-mothers who have remarkably enriched my life, and sense of self.
My Father is 80 now, and I know that I am very lucky to still have him as an important part of my life...and to have experienced a lifetime of unconditional love...which is almost unheard of in this day and age...if at my end I can say I was partially the parent he has been, I will have been successful...a nice thought.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Itty, take two

Itty, take two
Itty went to the groomer this weekend...here is her new look...
Notice her un-furry body, angry look, and the ultra mod sweater, which my daughter creatively fashioned from an old sock of mine...who knew!
I think she looks fantabulous!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

RelaxIng Saturday

Saturday
Some days lend themselves to relaxing, and that has been today. I took this picture in New York City while walking my 16 blocks to "work" for 2 wonderful weeks in October. Toting a computer briefcase, purse, Starbucks Chai, and coat...rocking along to O.A.R., the walk each morning and evening was remarkable. Today, as I was walking...though with much less baggage and purpose, the sun provided me with a similar silhouette and reminded me of how much I enjoyed that time...perhaps it is time to consider a "Shadow" series....

Friday, January 9, 2009

Santa Fe


Santa Fe

I am playing with the idea of another trip to Santa Fe. I am almost afraid that if I go again, I will not come back...and there is still "stuff" to clean up here...and of course the collecting of the pugs! This is a cloud photo I shot last June...from a moving car, and a tree in the forest above Santa Fe. The clouds are amazingly white, thick, with a lightness about them, the forest is very beautiful...it looks like Tahoe, though does not smell like it.
The Square in the middle of town is a great place to just sit, collect your thoughts and smoke a cigar...cherry of course. This trip will be different than before, but then again, I am finding that to be the case with most things...and usually in a great way. The Georgia O'Keefe museum is so inspirational, and the story of her life almost makes you believe that you can follow your dreams...guess the question will be...do I dare?

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blood Source

Blood Source
Today brought a meeting and presentation at the Blood Source. I have been attending these Review Meetings, nearly quarterly, for 6 years. It has been a gift to spend time with a very dedicated, knowledgable, compassionate Group. The Blood Source has recently changed buildings, and instead of the wonderful Koi Pond, a "check in" desk now greets me, and asks me to sign in (and out) and wear a Visitor Badge...today I was Visitor #16. I have been feeling a bit insignificant lately, and while several years ago I would have explained that with "hormones", I am not sure why it has been that way lately. Today's meeting changed that for me, and if only for a while it is wonderful to feel like what I "do" matters. I am an advocate for Kidney Patients...people like you, and me that without the technology of Dialysis Therapy would not be living to enjoy their day, spend time with their family and breathe the everydayness of air. Sometimes it is just about the small things....
This picture, in the entry of the Blood Source spoke to me, and to all who are committed to research and care for others in some way..."Because of You, Patients are Granted Another Day"...somewhat significant feels really good...


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Life Board

Life Board
A year and one half ago I started a Life Board. It started with two canvas's, and a phase from a song that had played in my head for several months. They are full of snippets of my present and my future, pictures of meaningful images, and memories of events that were wonderful.
Creating this work, always in progress has been educational for me as an artist. Reading magazines during plane travel is always accompanied by the ripping and tearing of words, images and colors "for the board". I am now ready to add an additional canvas, as my current two are fairly well filled. I am not sure when I will be finished with this project...maybe never...they have provided a silence and sensibility from phases, words and images that float in my mind...once something is "on the canvas", room is made for new thoughts, images and feelings. If your mind is cluttered...give it a try...

PS...Jack spent 10 minutes in his crate today, chewing his bone, with the door CLOSED! He could have gone longer...I am the one taking it slowly!!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Christmas Tree's Yearly Exit

Goodbye Christmas Tree...
Last night I undressed my Christmas Tree. It left me very thoughtful and pensive about where I will be next year when I repeat this cycle, on a light note, hopefully there will be assistance in dragging the tree out the front door and to the street (I hope the neighbors were not video taping that lovely few moments...)
Christmas this year was still a transition from what was to what will be...though in over thinking this (and believe me I did), most years have been "in transition", each for a different reason related to some event or other. Perhaps this is the year I get over hoping for the "Norman Rockwell" Holiday Season...perhaps it is not...
This morning I woke with a sentence in my head which is unusual for me...sentences for me start after a portion of my daily coffee ration is consumed..."When does the myth, become the reality?" I am not sure why I am stuck on this today...what myth... and I am not sure reality is all it is promoted to be.
I am not big on New Year's Resolutions...though I am committed to spending some time in 2009 with my brain turned off...and just "being"...

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Crate

The Crate
My life is changing in leaps and bounds...and I am ready for it. I have laundry list that is longer than my arm, and the duties look as though years might be required to complete them. I am unwilling to spend years though, so hopefully I can be super efficient...or super something.
One thing at the top of the laundry list is crate training for Jack and Hannah. I need them to be more portable, and more 'flexible' in their environment. Yesterday I purchased a crate, bed and some bully sticks. The crate is now positioned in my home office in the exact space they spend the day sleeping while I work. It took only minutes for Hannah to climb inside, and nearly an hour for Jack to follow. Jack is not a fan of the crate as he was left for one for nearly three months by his 'previous' Mother. This picture reflects his 'I am not sure about this' face...though shortly after this picture he did lay down and sleep for 2 hours...nice....
My plan is to repeat this cycle the rest of this week leaving the door open...next week I will try closing it for increasingly longer periods of time...if the rest of my list goes as smoothly as this first task has begun...I will be in great shape...if not, I will promptly proceed to 'Plan B', which I will scramble to formulate at that time...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Metal Door

Metal Door
Lately I seem to be overly interested in doors and windows. I think that is parallel with my quest for finding where I belong in the Universe. I am reminded of the old television game show, with the grand prize being set behind door number one, two or three...and am feeling that if I can just find and open the correct door, my life will be clear and I will be on my path...and most importantly have energy to spend on going forward instead of forward, back and occasionally sideways.
Some days I feel close to knowing, others not so much...so for now...the search continues...

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Stairs, another view...

Stairs, another view
Today arrived, and held a trip to the Gold Country. It has be years since I have been on that drive, and much has changed. It is obvious that the World is in a different financial place as many of the retail and food spaces were empty. This is a picture of stairs which I thought was very interesting and beautiful.
Walking thru the town of Jackson brought back memories of Laurel, a HD patient that I cared for many years ago. She and her husband drove to Sacramento three times each week, arriving at 4:30am. Dialysis had not evolved to bicarbonate, and patient's in these years had difficult treatments...though a bit more pleasant than death was for those who did not dialyze. They owned an Antique Business, and she made "Laurel" Teddy Bears. It was a proud day for manyof us who cared for her to be able to have one of "her" bears. Mine is now 28 years old...hers' were some of the first bears to have moving arms and legs...vaguely resembling a "Steiff".
The drive, the views, the photos, the company, the lunch were all wonderful...it is amazing to me that some days, with some company all that matters is the moment...I find myself not not reliving the past, or contempleting the future...now is enough...and I am liking that alot...

Friday, January 2, 2009

Stairway to Heaven

Stairway to Heaven
This is a picture of the escalator, at Penn Station in New York City. It is worn working, and creaks a bit as it moves. As a nurse...it freaks me out to hold the hand rails during cold and flu season, though the risk of falling is more frightful...
2009 holds the promise of new time, new adventures, new projects, and a very happy life. I am old enough now to know what is important, and strong enough to create it...a small part of me wonders where I will "be" a year from now...and an equal part is willing to be surprised....


Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009!

Happy 2009!
This will be short! Happy and Healthy 2009! This banner graced Times Square, NYC, New Years Eve! Talk about a crowd...some had waited 11 hours, in "cages" to see the Ball drop...and talk about cold...the best 7 dollars I have spent in the last 10 years was New Year's Eve on a pair of thermal gloves, and "ear warmers". I was tempted to purchase a hat, though those who know me know that hat hair is not something I relish....