Sunday, April 4, 2010



Another Holiday, another disappointment I have hidden from the World. Yesterday I was preparing to move, had hired movers, ordered phone service and was fairly well packed. Today I am stationary...broken hearted...and breathing through the moment, and deciding where to live.

I was told that my feelings mattered, and openness was easy...last night, my feelings did not matter, and openness was closed. This has been ongoing...and more than I are tired of the outcome, which has been unsuccessful partnership...without roots to carry one through the difficult documentation, no promises of the future, no proposed commitment or intention...feelings undisclosed, and persons unwilling to share the deepest feelings and thoughts...due to fear and rejection...a true self fulfilling cycle...we both loose.

Today was Easter, and sparkliness was the word of the day. Time spent with my Father, 1st Stepmother, 2nd Stepmother, daughter and perfect grandson...priceless...this is a picture I took of my Father and his Great Grandson...truly a gift from God.

Somewhere or possibly nowhere is someone who will love me and be open in spite of sickness, health, employment, depression, whim or a bad hair day...or perhaps there is not...I am praying that the rawness of yesterday is manageable soon...and that I can move on to the next big adventure...wish me luck.

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